Resident Evil: the Retarded Files
by Miku Himuro
Summary: Well this is really just randomness but really funny! it includes RE characters Chris, Wesker, and Excella. it also includes 3 of my closest friends plus me, Miku!


I am working on another story right now but it's not related to anything. In this I guess its a random RE fan fic. Enjoyness! Btw Miku ish me! Btw when I turned them into animals, they only have tails, claws, and animal ears...so doez I! btw Rei, Yuki, and Amby are two of my closest friends in real life so nya!one last thing, Yaoi is when two guys are in love and stuff but ima not do that in this Fic, sorry pervs(even though I am a Yaoi Perv lolz)

**Wesker: is lying on the couch asleep**

**Chris: * is behind couch ***

**Miku: Chris-kun, what are you doing?**

**Chris: * jumps * NOTHING!**

**Miku: were you going to prank Kitty?**

**Chris: "Kitty"?**

**Miku: that's my nickname for Captain Wesker**

**Chris: please don't say Captain Wesker ;A;**

**Miku: why?**

**Chris: too many painful memories ;w;**

**Miku: awww * hugs Chris* you is a puppy like Miku-Chan!**

**Chris: what? *looks up and sees dog ears and sees tail * wtf? OwO**

**Miku: im magic and I can turn you into a doggie like Me! I turned Kitty into a Kitty**

**Chris: makes sense! * laughs ***

**Wesker:* is curled up into a ball on the couch, purring ***

**Chris: awww a kitty * jumps on couch and stares at Wesker***

**Miku: aww ^.^**

**Chris: * starts barking * TRAITOR! **

**Wesker:* wakes up, and runs***

**Chris:* chases Wesker and barks ***

**Wesker: * gets on top of the cabinet in the kitchen and hisses at Chris * Redfield! What the hell are you doing!**

**Chris: * barks * scaring the crap outta you for one * evil smirk ***

**Miku: what have I done = w =;;;**

**Rei: *comes in * hey Miku- *sees Wesker and Chris * nya? =OwO= *hides behind chair ***

**Amby: *comes in *whats with the nya? *sees Chris scaring Wesker * yay Yaoi! O3O**

**Rei: *jumps up * NO YAOI!**

**Yuki:* comes in * oh noez! how will I go on? *cries**

**Miku: here, Yuki-chan! gives* Yuki MelloXMatt Yaoi Manga***

**Wesker: can someone get Redfield to stop barking at me!**

**Rei: y-yes Sir! -OwO-* runs and grabs Chris by the collar***

**Chris: when did I start wearing a collar?**

**Miku: don't ask such complicated questions, Puppy =w=**

**Wesker: *jumps down * I suppose I should thank you, Rei **

**Rei: y-you're welcome, Sir!**

**Amby: I detect a lack of Wesker and Chris yaoi in this area =w=**

**Rei: THAT'S BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT A COUPLE!**

**Miku: how do you know that?**

**Rei: well cuz... cuz... WEEESKER KUUUN! ;w; *glomps Wesker ***

**Wesker: what is "Yaoi"**

**Miku: easy! it's when two guy-* gets tackled by Rei* **

**Rei: don't disturb his mind with you're perverted evil! =w=**

**Wesker: so I don't want to know?**

**Rei: no sir! ;w;**

**Amby:* is giggling with Yuki in the background***

**Wesker: obviously not =w=**

**Yuki: hey, where's Miku-San?**

**Miku: * comes in * there, that better, puppy?**

**Chris: yes! ^w^**

**Wesker: Miku, where were you?**

**Miku: taking Puppy outside to pee 0w0**

**Wesker: * sweatdrop * nice to know =w=**

**Rei: aww I wanted to do that**

**Yuki: someday, little one, someday... OMG MELLO!**

**Rei: just keep reading you're yaoi...TO YOURSELF! *tackles * no yaoi! at least not around me ;w;**

**Yuki: can't promise anything**

**Rei: ugh**

**Chris: *scratches head with foot ***

**Wesker: do you seriously have to act like a dog?**

**Chris: can't help it... instinct OwO**

**Wesker: riiiight so explain why you don't see me "bathing" right about know? -w-**

**Chris: …...cuz...**

**Wesker: you fail at logic**

**Chris: OH I KNOW CUZ YOU HAFTA BATHE NOW!**

**Wesker:...* runs to bathroom***

**Chris: YOU FAIL WESKER!**

**Rei: Wesker-kun ;w;**

**Yuki: awwww they kissed**

**Rei: YUKI!**

**Amby:* is playing Modern Warfare 2* Mactavish! nya! ^w^**

**Chris: hey what are you playing?**

**Amby: Modern Warefare 2**

**Chris: I wanna play!**

**Amby: you fail at using indoor plumbing, why would I let you play MW2?**

**Chris: ;A;**

**Amby: oh, ok =w=**

**Chris: * hugs * thank you, Amby! 83**

**Wesker:* comes back * much better **

**Excella:* comes in * hello, Albert * winks ***

**Wesker: …... on second thought, I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom *runs back to bathroom and locks the door ***

**Excella: ;A; *runs to bathroom door and punches the door * AAAALBERT! * cries ***

**Excella: * gives up and sits next to Chris ***

**Chris: you ok?**

**Excella: I think Albert hates me**

**Chris: welcome to the club =w=**

**Excella: I've never felt so stupid**

**Everyone: REALLY? OwO**

**Excella:* sweatdrop * um... yes**

**Miku: Kitty! pwease come out of the bathroom**

**Wesker: no! Excella will try to make me marry her and bore me with stories about her childhood**

**Miku: no way! Come out!**

**Chris: yes, come on Albert!**

**Wesker: w**

**Chris: or should I call you Kitty?**

**Wesker: only Miku can get away with calling me Kitty**

**Chris: Kitty!**

**Amby: Kitty!**

**Yuki: Kitty? _ * too busy to pay attention ***

**Wesker: ILL KILL YOU ALL!**

**Excella: KITTY!**

**Wesker:...Shut up Excella**

**Miku: come on out!**

**Wesker: no! Excella's probably already putting on a wedding dress expecting me to propose to her =w= * shivers***

**Excella: * is wearing wedding dress ***

**Miku: damn, you're right OwO**

**Chris: Excella, why Wesker, of all people?**

**Excella: becau-**

**Chris: ok, I don't really care**

**Excella : ;w;**

**Yuki: I feel sorry for that chic**

**Chris: you shouldn't**

**Yuki: OKIE DOKEY BIG ARMED MAN!* continues reading***

**Chris: TwT**

**Rei:*is scratching at door* pwease sir?**

**Wesker:...okay**

**Everyone: HOW'D YOU DO THAT?**

**Rei: asking nicely?**

**Miku: aww why didn't I think of... HEY I DID!**

**Wesker:* comes out of bathroom ***

**Excella: hello future husband**

**Wesker: IM NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND!**

**Chris: did they just make a t.v show refrence?**

**Amby: yep they've been doing that now watch out before you- **

**Chris:* Chris's character on MW2 dies *awww**

**Amby: you gotta keep going or you're going to die**

**Miku: Kitty doesn't like you * is talking to Excella ***

**Excella: okay.. *in denial ***

**Miku: I don't like you either!**

**Excella: but I am a awesome person**

**Miku: ….you're like Misa-Misa... I like and dislike you**

**Excella: thanks...**

**Miku: NICE DRESS!**

**Wesker: don't encourage her**

**Rei: is spying on Wesker on top of the fridge**

**Wesker: Rei, why are you on top of there?**

**Rei: eek! =OwO=* falls***

**Yuki: she's the spying type**

**Wesker: believe me, I know =w=**

**Chris:* keeps dying on MW2* ;w;**

**Amby: you fail at Modern Warefare**

**Chris: can't we play something else?**

**Amby: fine...we'll play something relevant to you... RE5?**

**Miku: NOOOEZ! THE ENDING IS DEPRESSING!**

**Chris: Wesker dies, that's not depressing**

**Amby: D8 harsh, dude**

**Chris: ;w; IM SORRY! * head and ears go down, as if being scolded***

**Amby: its okay, puppy**

**Chris: what other games do you have?**

**Amby: Left4Dead**

**Chris: sounds fun, put it in**

**Amby: don't tell me to do things!**

**Chris:...sorry? Owo**

**Amby: whatever *puts game in * I CALL FRANCIS!**

**Chris: I CALL FRAN- CRAP!**

**Amby: I always get Francis**

**Chris: fine ill get Louis**

**Amby: Miku-Chan always gets him**

**Miku: BECAUSE IM IN AMERICA!**

**Yuki: that makes no sense whatsoever**

**Miku: I know, isn't it great?**

_Ima going to stop right here but its going to continue! Nyan! Goodbye and write good reviews pwease pwease!_


End file.
